As I Type IT: Quitting The Rich

According to some sort of important study funded by the rich to examine the wealthy, those among us who are most fortunate feel insecure. It is an indisputable fact that constructive, judiciously applied policies can improve life for the poor and even the hopelessly trend-addled middle class, but try as we might, nothing ever appears to alleviate the suffering of the poor, and I say it is time to cut our losses.

Let the well-heeled among us sink or swim. After all, we have showered our millionaire brothers and sisters with trillions of welfare dollars in the form of tax breaks for as long as I can recall, and time and time again they fail to pull themselves up by those Gucci bootstraps we bought them. We invented tax breaks for them, for crying out loud. Besides, they don’t like us, they really don’t.

But they do invite ridicule, and for that purpose we shall keep them around for occasional inclusion in our daily broadcasts. That is as far as it goes, however. Instead, for the next month or so, the News From The Great Re-Depression will concentrate on those things the majority of Americans most desire and detest–jobs.

So, if a few lonely billionaires feel sufficiently neglected  to commit suicide by way of self-immolation or some other ghastly though equally agonizing variant, at least they will have had enough of something. We here at NGR intend to continue our mission of fearlessly harvesting the personal information and buying habits of our faithful listeners just to throw it all away while the wealthy look on, glancing uneasily at their absurdly expensive watches.