As I Type It: Why bin Laden Was Shot In The Head

He was a mastermind behind horrendous crimes against humanity. Together with his nihilist minions he sought to destroy Western civilization. And his “netiquette” was disgraceful. Of course bin Laden had to be shot in the head.

Back in the 80s he quickly became known as “that raging asshole on Usenet,” and was long suspected of posing as a 13 year-old girl in chat rooms in order to pick theological fights with other imaginary 13 year-old girls. By the late 90s he was poisoning the vast and growing well of information technology with…emoticons.

A decade ago he went into hiding, and many believed him dead, cooked alive in a white hot Rawalpindi server farm. But with the advent of social networking and Facebook, internet security experts traced the origination of the universally despised “LOL” to a phony tween passing herself off “Stacy” bin Laden.

There were countless reasons to bring this heinous criminal to justice, but “LOL” called for extreme prejudice, which is why, dear friends, Osama Bin Laden had to be shot in the head, wrapped up like a mummy, and dumped like a broken doll into the briny briny sea.